Pain
by Lucifaera
Summary: Mello has cheated on Matt repeatly. Or.. has he?


It hadn't been the first time. Neither the second or the third. Matt  
just stood at the window staring outside at the rain which crackled on the  
glass. He could see how the blonde showed up in the living room, with guiltily  
lowered head, but he didn't turn around. He said nothing when Mello said  
quietly: "I'm sorry…", he just stared out without moving. The rain  
grew stronger, almost blocking any view of the skyscrapers.  
"Matt?", it came timidly from behind him.  
But he didn't react to it. His gaze seemed empty and tired.  
"Matt, please say something… I know you're angry with me, I…  
Please… Beat me up, Yell at me, curse at me, but please, speak with me."  
"Don't want to.", Matt said, turned around and went to the the door  
progressively without even looking at the blonde.  
Mello ran after him into the stairway.  
"Matt, please, I…"  
But Matt didn't stop, just waved without turning around. "I don't want  
to talk anymore."  
He said then he opened the door downstairs and went out. Mello stared after  
him, then beat his fist hard against the next wall. "Damn **!"

One hour later, Matt sat beneath a young woman on a park bench, his head  
lowered to his knees and said: "And the worst thing is- I know he'll do it  
again. I know… It has been the fourth time I have come in and noticed it and  
I… I just don't know how to react anymore."  
Slowly the woman beneath him appealed her hand to his shoulder. "Matt, I  
know it sounds hard, but have you ever thought about leaving him? I mean…  
You say so by yourself, he won't stop…"  
"I cannot leave him, I love him, damn it!"  
"I know, but… He never even thinks about how much he hurts you. Just like  
then when he ran away and… I mean… Have you ever talked with him about  
this matter? How much he hurts you? I don't think Mello gives a ** about  
other people than himself."  
"I've talked to him. I've cried. I've beaten him up so terribly he  
didn't dare to show up outside for three days, I…"  
Linda shook her head. "Matt, either you break up with him or you get used  
to it. I know, it's harsh, but…"  
"May I sleep at yours tonight?", Matt asked. "I… I need to re-think a  
few things…"  
Linda nodded. "Ok. But this night only, ok? Ian comes back tomorrow evening  
and I don't know how he'd react if a foreign guy sleeps on his couch. I  
think I'd not even have the time to explain to him you're gay before  
he'd leave."  
Matt nodded. "Thank you…"

Midnight Matt stood up and sat down with his legs angled in front of the  
fireplace in the living room of Linda's. He couldn't find any sleep, had  
yet to re-think the words Linda had told him. Leave Mello? He didn't know  
how to survive without the blonde… He loved him, no matter what. He already  
missed him so much he'd call him if his pride wasn't so totally against  
it.  
But get used to it? It did hurt him so much, especially the fact Mello knew  
about the pain he felt and didn't stop it. Matt gulped.  
"Why… Mello, why… Why do you hurt me so much…", he whispered. Did  
the blonde really not care about what he did to him?

Slowly an idea formed in the redhead and although he didn't really want it,  
he couldn't stop thinking about it. His heart beat like a tornado when he  
finally picked up a small card from his pocket, the label which had fallen out  
of Mello's purse and had uncovered him.  
"Great time with you, Call me if you like to repeat it. Rolf.", stood on  
the card, including a phone number.  
Matt stared at the paper which tortured his heart once again. Should he  
really do it? Cheat on Mello? On the other hand: Which reason had he not to  
cheat on the blonde? Should Mello get a bowl of his own medicine!  
Matt stood up, put down a note to Linda: "Ride home. Thanks, Matt" And  
then he went to his car, from where of he sent a message to Rolf.

Shortly after it he met with Rolf on a parking lot of a nightclub.  
Somehow he had imagined the guy to be different… Not the type of "Best  
pupil in school" but maybe somehow a bodybuilder or something like that. Why  
had Mello cheated on him with THIS guy?"  
"'ve got your number by Mello.", Matt lied to the man.  
"I wouldn't have thought that Blondie talks to anyone about this.",  
Rolf stated suspiciously.  
But Matt just jerked his shoulders. "He knows I wouldn't ever condemn him  
and like a little adventure from time to time. And I've told him I was  
getting hot by his story, so he gave me your number. I mean, I thought I could  
at least ask you."  
Rolf nodded. "Ok, I don't really think you're repulsive. I guess you  
know the rules?"  
Matt nodded. He thought Rolf meant that the whole thing was anonymous and  
safer sex and things like that and was little concerned about it.

Rolf grinned at him. "Alright. Let's drive to mine, I've got a special  
place for meetings like this. What exactly do you expect?"  
"Well… I thought… From what Mello told me…", Matt played a bit shy  
so Rolf didn't realize he had no clue what had happened between him and  
Mello.  
Rolf seemed to take his show cause he said: "Well, then, the same as for  
Blondie. Ok, then get in the car." He opened the passenger's door.

The redhead climbed up the stairs behind Rolf after they had entered his  
apartment. Rolf led him to a room which was only weakly illuminated, with a  
soft mattress in the middle of it and a few boxes standing at the walls. Now  
he was a bit afraid, though, but he he wanted to do it.  
"Get off your uppers.", Rolf said. "And kneel upon the mattress."  
Matt nodded and followed the instructions. The man came to him and replaced  
his googles with a blindfold before he handcuffed Matt with one click.  
At this moment Matt still thought: "Mello, you're such an idiot you could  
have had this by me any time…"  
But then Rolf demanded: "Open you mouth."  
Matt hesitated a bit. Somehow he didn't like the idea of submitting to a  
foreign man. How could Mello like this? But anyway, Matt didn't really like  
to submit in bed, so…  
But he opened his mouth as he wanted to do exactly what Mello had done. To  
his surprise, Rolf stuffed something like a plastic ball into his mouth and  
attached it with a strap to his head.  
A gag?  
For a moment, Matt still considered the walls here to be very thin, when he  
suddenly was risen high on his handcuffed wrists, so high his toes barely  
touched the mattress.  
Frightened he wanted to yelp but he couldn't because of the gag.  
"You're really good looking… A shame, I forgot to ask you whether you  
made up the same rules for yourself as Mello, now I have to assume it. It  
would have been nice to brand you…"  
Matt wondered what he meant, somehow he was really confused now. To whom he  
had given himself?  
"NGNGH!", he cried under the gag, when he suddenly felt a burning pain up  
his back. What the **… But there was the pain again, a littler deeper than  
the last time. This guy really beat him!  
He shook his head, tried to say something, but Rolf went just blithely on.  
It did hurt…

Tears ran down his cheeks. When he couldn't hold them back anymore, when  
the blows repeated again and again. Wouldn't his ever be over?  
At this moment, Rolf's cell phone rang.  
"Don't worry, I'll continue it, It's just a SMS.", he said and  
strucked his hand on Matt's ass.  
"Oh, it's from Mello, he comes over soon. Hope you don't mind, he  
just wants to talk to me. And for the fact you're seeming to deal with it  
quite openly, otherwise you wouldn't have gotten the number by him."  
Matt wanted to oppose, no, he didn't want Mello to see him now, he wanted…  
But then it came to him: If Mello actually came here and Rolf didn't plan to  
stop but apparently planned to continue whipping him, then Mello did…  
He couldn't finish his thoughts because once more a fierce pain cut though  
his skin, this time on his chest. Then the door bell rang.  
Rolf stopped and went out of the room to open the door.  
"Hey, Blondie. Your friend you've advertised me to is just here, but if  
you don't mind, come in."  
"My friend whom I what? Rolf, don't speak nonsense, I'm just here to  
speak to you. I… I need to learn to do without it. I mean… Well, it's  
not just myself I hurt with it. … Well, in anycase, I won't come here  
anymore."  
"What's this at once? And with your friend, did you think you owed me a  
substitute? Mello, you hadn't need to do this, I'd have found myself  
another one. If you don't want it anymore, it's perfectly ok. It's not  
like we're in a relationship or something like that. But how you want to  
stop it at once is a mystery to me. You seemed to really need it."  
"Not your business."  
Matt heard Mello say this quietly.  
"Maybe I cannot handle it. But what do want with my buddy all the time? I  
got your number to nobody, why should I?"  
Rolf shook his head. "He had the label and everything with him…"  
Mello spread his eyes wide open and stormed beneath Rolf into his "game"  
room.  
"Matt…", he said, bewildered. "Shit…"

Immediately he freed the redhead from his handcuffs and held him firmly when  
he fell down to the mattress. Then he removed the gag and the blindfold. Rolf  
was at the door watching the whole thing so he could try to understand what  
had happened there.  
Matt trembled like nothing when Mello held him in his arms like this.  
"Schsch…", he said, "I'm here… I'm with you Matt… I… I'm  
so sorry…"  
"Wha… Why…", Matt brought out.  
Mello lowered his head. "I'm… I'm sorry, Matt I should've talk  
about it with you, I was only afraid… I thought you'd think of me as a  
disgusting pervert when… I mean… Matt, I'm a masochist. That doesn't  
mean, the sex with you isn't great, or I wouldn't have feelings for you,  
I… I only need it sometimes to be… And that's why I didn't say  
anything when you accused me of cheating because I felt like I had.", then  
he shook his head. "I never believed you'd choose such a harsh way of  
showing me how much I hurt you…"  
"Mello? Take me home… Please…"  
The blonde nodded and helped his lover to get up.  
"Rolf? Didn't you tell him what you're doing here?"  
"He said you'd have.", the man said contritely. "I didn't think he  
was lying and…"  
Mello nodded. "Allright. I do believe you. But if you ever hurt him again,  
I'll shoot you."  
Rolf nodded. "Don't plan to. If I had known he isn't… He doesn't  
like it, I'd never have."

Later, when they sat in Mello's car, still in a remote road:  
"Mel?", Matt asked softly. Still, he trembled but he had wiped away his  
tears and got his voice back under control.  
"Do you hate me now?", Mello asked without looking the redhead into the  
eyes.  
He shook his head. "I just don't understand how …"  
"I don't know it myself… I… I do love you, Matt, please believe  
me…"  
Mello had stopped the car, turned to Matt and grabbed him by his shoulders. He  
seemed really desperate.  
"I love you, too, Mel… Even if you're such a great idiot… But the  
same goes for me, doesn't it?"  
Mello smiled. Then he nodded.  
"Oh, and Mel? Thank you…"

"What?"

"One, for savin' me. Because you came and… And second because I'd  
have never thought you'd go to this Rolf and tell him you… no longer want  
to go to him because you hurt me in doing so."  
Mello nodded and hugged his lover.  
"I told you I do love you… And I didn't want to hurt you anymore, I  
didn't want to…  
Matt kissed him.

A/N: Beta'd by xxbeyondxbirthdayxx


End file.
